I've been obsessed with watching Shadow and Jackie bringing in their 3 eaglets this Spring. My sweetheart and I turn on the Eagle cam and just leave it on the TV and listen to the wind, the peeps of baby eagles getting their bits of fish and bird, the conversations between Jackie and Shadow, and us wondering what they're saying. 
This afternoon the rain came to So Cal and Big Bear, and we watched the nest fill with snow around and on Jackie as she covered her babies. The wind ripped through the top of the tree and we watched it sway and felt our own calm as we're now both down with the flu and recovering together. Tonight a last check showed Jackie with wings spread, her beak parked into the snow, a wide and feathery cocoon over her babies. Wild things. They just keep going, keep moving, doing what they need to do to survive, and never feeling sorry for themselves. Despite still being sick, I had to sit in a 4-hour meeting today but took a 20-minute exit to head to another meeting, and when the zoom popped open there were smiles and happiness from my peers at seeing my face, and I gave my part of the committee report, and it felt nice to be wanted to be seen and celebrated for being present and alive. Then back to the 4-hour meeting, sitting in a sad zoom with people pecking away on their keyboards at home as we waited for mediation news going back and forth. 

So I thought of Jackie and Shadow. Parked myself and set up my cocoon. 

Afterwards, my sweetheart and I had a good late lunch, slept for two hours to the Jackie & Shadow live cam, woke and made hot tea and lemon, had a nice dinner, and now we're cocooned. The bright moon is outside and tomorrow there will be more rain, but we'll be warm, here, in our nest together. 

#SOL25 Day 012

Day six of being sick. I am feeling just a little better but am surprised  at this cold and it’s ability to sit me down. Our bodies tell us what to do and it’s unnerving how little we can control. It rained a little today, but I had bagels, and homemade soup, slept, and was delighted later in the day when a delivery arrived with lovely flowers, a candle, fancy lotion, and delicious turmeric tea, sent by a friend and work colleague, and it made me feel very loved. 

my sweetheart has come down with my cold too, so we made a big pot of tea and put the flowers in water and we lit the candle and both sipped and then fell in a stupor sleep for a couple of hours. We woke hungry and ate our delicious homemade soup and watched reruns of a favorite TV show. I read a book (by this same friend!) and wrote a poem, and my sweetheart is sniffling at his art desk and pushing through the completion of a hand illustrated and watercolored portrait of a female comic book character developed by a woman comic for his March for Women comics challenge. 

isn’t it art and friends that sustain us? 

Today it certainly was. 

it’s late and I’m tired again, huddled on the couch and writing on my phone to finish my own little blogging challenge here by marking the moments that are my life. This beautiful thing. 

#SOL25 Day 011

I have been LIVING off of this little potion of sliced lemon, honey, sliced raw ginger, and hot water (occasionally with a decaf tea bag in there because that has good stuff too). 

I started to write another blog about being sick. Then got sidetracked wanting to read my friend's poem she sent me over email, but then saw Sakara email about using up my free points, then went down rabbit hole of Sakara and chatting with agent and now I have free bougie vegan food coming 3 days a week for a month along with some new sleep gummies and then my friend text me and I started thinking about breakfast and now here I am. 

This nonsense is brought to you by ADHD. 

I am still sick. My joints and body are aching, and I'm just absolutely exhausted. However, I *think the fever is finally gone, but the coughing has just begun. 

It's raining softly outside, which I love. 

Thank you for this day.

​

#SOL25 Day 010

Here I am, phoning it in again, and getting a blog post done. Today my fever reappeared, and then it was so excited about having conversations with body-altering coughing fits and sweating -- all the time. 
Yes, I am sick. And for the first time in my life I have taken as many sick days as I actually need to get well. (I chose three). Although, today, one of my peers shared that maybe I shouldn't ask for X number of sick days in a row and just let the job know day by day in case they think i might get in trouble or the boss will think something shady is going on and I thought, what are you talking about? We have CAREER jobs. We shouldn't feel this way or be afraid, right?

The world is scary right now. I am afraid. But I'm also sick. #MELTDOWN!!!!!!

Sick is sick. I mean, I used to work in restaurant jobs and all kinds of other places where if I were sick, it meant no groceries that week because I needed those tips for groceries, gas, rent, etc. and once I called in sick for real and the job said "can you come in anyway and if you're really sick we'll send you home?" and I DROVE IN and sat in the parking lot in my car crying and they came out and said "Can you help set up for half an hour and then go home" and they saw I was CRYING and I did.

Those old jobs I worked -- they were disgusting in the way they took advantage of their workers because they knew we had some kind of weird screw loose and the fear of getting fired. (Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickel and Dimed is echoing for me right now).

I grew up in tough times. We got evicted when I was in High School. I worked and often bought groceries for my family and sometimes my side jobs paid our electric bill. I worked in restaurants because back then, they fed you a free meal, and you got cash tips THAT NIGHT so you got your money right away and when you're living paycheck to paycheck, that really matters.

When I was in High School I woke up early (6am!) so that I could go make $2.50 serving breakfast at school (which also came with free breakfast) and I worked at lunch for another $2.50 (which came with free lunch AND we were allowed to take home "leftovers" which I often did because that was dinner).

When I worked for a particular non-profit Teaching Organization, there was always peer pressure to work 10-12 hours a day and even go in sick. I was training one summer with a college graduate who was throwing up on the bus because of the flu and was still dressed to teach his summer school class, and people APPLAUDED that he "gutted it out." When I was a trainer one summer, I called in "sick" to the morning. I was SICK. A pounding headache, vomiting, etc. The summer "principal" who was 15 years younger than me called me into her office later that day and said, "I think you were lying. I don't think you were sick. We were counting on you and you should've come in." 

What values are we teaching around here? No wonder this morning they shared that Gen Z ers are having burn out breakdowns at 25. 

There is something wrong with this. I am lucky and privileged now to work a job where I work VERY hard, VERY long hours, have completed DECADES of education to do this job, have beat the odds to get here. (and in TOTAL DEBT for it) and have EARNED those
"10 sick days a year" and I should not feel guilty, shamed, or worried I'm going to get fired if I actually am sick and need to call in sick. I don't want my students to come to school sick. I shouldn't go to school sick. 

This mentality kills me.

BUT: Guess what I was doing today between feverish naps and sweat-fests on my couch? GRADING PAPERS. PREPPING A LESSON PLAN AND POWERPOINT FOR MY SUB.  

I took a sick day. And was still working! 

Ok. End of rant. I made myself sad.
​BUT ! I finished my blog post for this challenge. For me. 

​cough cough. cough.