Cough Cough Cough . . . The World is Too Much With us. . .

#SOL25 Day 010

Here I am, phoning it in again, and getting a blog post done. Today my fever reappeared, and then it was so excited about having conversations with body-altering coughing fits and sweating -- all the time. 
Yes, I am sick. And for the first time in my life I have taken as many sick days as I actually need to get well. (I chose three). Although, today, one of my peers shared that maybe I shouldn't ask for X number of sick days in a row and just let the job know day by day in case they think i might get in trouble or the boss will think something shady is going on and I thought, what are you talking about? We have CAREER jobs. We shouldn't feel this way or be afraid, right?

The world is scary right now. I am afraid. But I'm also sick. #MELTDOWN!!!!!!

Sick is sick. I mean, I used to work in restaurant jobs and all kinds of other places where if I were sick, it meant no groceries that week because I needed those tips for groceries, gas, rent, etc. and once I called in sick for real and the job said "can you come in anyway and if you're really sick we'll send you home?" and I DROVE IN and sat in the parking lot in my car crying and they came out and said "Can you help set up for half an hour and then go home" and they saw I was CRYING and I did.

Those old jobs I worked -- they were disgusting in the way they took advantage of their workers because they knew we had some kind of weird screw loose and the fear of getting fired. (Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickel and Dimed is echoing for me right now).

I grew up in tough times. We got evicted when I was in High School. I worked and often bought groceries for my family and sometimes my side jobs paid our electric bill. I worked in restaurants because back then, they fed you a free meal, and you got cash tips THAT NIGHT so you got your money right away and when you're living paycheck to paycheck, that really matters.

When I was in High School I woke up early (6am!) so that I could go make $2.50 serving breakfast at school (which also came with free breakfast) and I worked at lunch for another $2.50 (which came with free lunch AND we were allowed to take home "leftovers" which I often did because that was dinner).

When I worked for a particular non-profit Teaching Organization, there was always peer pressure to work 10-12 hours a day and even go in sick. I was training one summer with a college graduate who was throwing up on the bus because of the flu and was still dressed to teach his summer school class, and people APPLAUDED that he "gutted it out." When I was a trainer one summer, I called in "sick" to the morning. I was SICK. A pounding headache, vomiting, etc. The summer "principal" who was 15 years younger than me called me into her office later that day and said, "I think you were lying. I don't think you were sick. We were counting on you and you should've come in." 

What values are we teaching around here? No wonder this morning they shared that Gen Z ers are having burn out breakdowns at 25. 

There is something wrong with this. I am lucky and privileged now to work a job where I work VERY hard, VERY long hours, have completed DECADES of education to do this job, have beat the odds to get here. (and in TOTAL DEBT for it) and have EARNED those
"10 sick days a year" and I should not feel guilty, shamed, or worried I'm going to get fired if I actually am sick and need to call in sick. I don't want my students to come to school sick. I shouldn't go to school sick. 

This mentality kills me.

BUT: Guess what I was doing today between feverish naps and sweat-fests on my couch? GRADING PAPERS. PREPPING A LESSON PLAN AND POWERPOINT FOR MY SUB.  

I took a sick day. And was still working! 

Ok. End of rant. I made myself sad.
​BUT ! I finished my blog post for this challenge. For me. 

​cough cough. cough.

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